You’re angry, frustrated, and don’t know what to say next!
Does this sound like you in your intimate relationships? You’re not alone. I work with many of my coaching clients around their frustration in communication with their partner. Whether you’re dating, married, in a long term relationship, cohabitating, in an open relationship, etc. you must understand that communication is key if you expect that intimate relationship to work!
Below are a few tips that I’ve learned from working with clients around communication in their intimate relationships. Take these tips to heart and understand how you can apply them in your relationship asap.
Communication in Intimate Relationships Tip #1: Let your partner know what’s important to you
If you’re in any kind of serious intimate relationship, then this should be a given. Do you have physical, social, environmental, political, or other general activities that are important to you? Do you have a secret passion that you want to pursue a new activity that you want to try? If your answer is yes to either question then your answer should also be yes to the question around whether your partner knows, understands, and respects these things about you!Any interest that's important to you should be known, understood, and respected by your intimate partner Click To Tweet
Many people don’t take the time to have these discussions when they get into intimate relationships and that is not a good idea. Speak openly and be honest. Aside from the important things, does your partner know the things about you that make you…you?! Such as your favorite color, your favorite teacher from elementary, the first boy you kissed, your major in college. If they don’t know these things, ask yourself how open is the communication in your relationship.
♦ Want to be a better communicator in your intimate relationship? Then book a few sessions for relationship coaching with me today!
Some books clients have found helpful around open communication in intimate relationships are:
- The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
- I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships
- Communication Miracles for Couples: Easy and Effective Tools to Create More Love and Less Conflict
- 4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication in Love, Life, Work–Anywhere!: Including the “12-Day Communication Challenge!”
- Unlocking One Another: 30 Days To Improving Your Relationship Communication
Communication in Intimate Relationships Tip #2: Learn to have fruitful conversations…in love and war
Let’s face it, intimate relationships are hard. They bring out the best and the worst in us all. However, if you want an intimate relationship that actually lasts, you have to know how to effectively communicate in all situations. Based upon working with my clients, here’s what doesn’t work in times of conflict:
- screaming and yelling,
- sarcasm and insults,
- pouting and sulking, and
- the silent treatment
If you’ve done any of that stuff in the past, then you know it doesn’t work. If you want to communicate effectively in intimate relationships, that means you’re going to need some new tools. You have to learn how to communicate with fact and not just feeling.Open communication in intimate relationships is most successful when the well-being of you and your partner is a consideration. Click To Tweet
Also, learn how to have discussions around more sensitive (or potentially explosive topics) when you and your partner are both well rested. Talking about touchy subjects when either of you is tired, irritable or stressed about other things is a recipe for disaster. Open communication in intimate relationships is most successful when the well-being of you and your partner is a consideration.
♦ Do you need lessons on mindfulness and how to fight fair in intimate relationships? Then working with a relationship coach can help. Book your sessions today!
Some interesting books around how to communicate well in both love and war (in a relationship) are:
- Communication for Couples: How to Communicate with Your Spouse Without Fighting, Effective, Communication in Marriage and Relationship, Improving Your Social Skills, and Cure
- Fight Fair: Winning at Conflict without Losing at Love
- No More Fighting: The Relationship Book for Couples: 20 Minutes a Week to a Stronger Relationship
- Keep Showing Up: How to Stay Crazy in Love When Your Love Drives You Crazy
- Fight Less, Love More: 5-Minute Conversations to Change Your Relationship without Blowing Up or Giving In
- The Anger Habit in Relationships: A Communication Handbook for Relationships, Marriages and Partnerships
Communication in Intimate Relationships Tip #3: Be open in discussions with your partner about what you do and don’t like in the bedroom
Now on to the touchiest subjects of all when it comes to intimate relationships…physical intimacy. Sex is an important aspect of any intimate relationship. The level of importance varies for each couple. However, it is an important part of bonding, communicating, and reaffirming your connection to your partner. Being that sex is such an important part of an intimate relationship, ask yourself if you’re being open, honest and satisfied in yours.What you do or don't discuss with your partner about your sex life will have a direct impact on how good or bad it is! Click To Tweet
From working with clients I’ve seen more resentment and anger in relationships being rooted in lack of communication around sex more than anything! If you’re not happy or satisfied, then you need to say something. What you do or don’t discuss with your partner about your sex life will have a direct impact on how good or bad it is! How you say it and what you say is what will make the difference in your partner listening to you or completely shutting down on you.
♦ Are you at a loss about how to start the conversation with your partner about your sex life? Then working with a relationship coach can help you figure out exactly what to say! Book your sessions today!
Some books that may help you talk about sex in your intimate relationship are:
- Love Worth Making: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship
- Not Always in the Mood: The New Science of Men, Sex, and Relationships
- Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships
- Finding Your Sexual Voice
- The Sexless Marriage Fix: Rescuing a Sexless Marriage and Making It All It Can Be Using This Empowering Integrative Approach
- Let’s Talk About… Sexual Fantasies and Desires: Questions and Conversation Starters for Couples Exploring Their Sexual Interests (Beyond The Sheets Book 1)
Communication is the key to success in any relationship. This is especially true in an intimate relationship. Is your answer “yes” to the following three statements:
- My partner knows the things that are important to me
- My partner and I have good communication when things are good or bad
- My partner satisfies me sexually
If your answer is no to any of these questions, take note! For a relationship to grow and last communication is important. This means you need to start taking action today to improve communication with your partner asap!
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Other blog posts of interest:
♦ Are You A Hot Mess At Dating?!
♦ Importance of Sex in A Relationship
♦ The Secret To Creating A Lasting Morning Workout Routine
♦ 7 Signs That Intimate Relationships Aren’t Your Cup Of Tea
♦ Dating Around: Controversial Reasons Why He is NOT Calling You Back! (For Women Only)