Before I start, let me make it clear that I am not a medical doctor. I can’t diagnose or treat a condition related to any sexual disease or dysfunction. The approach this post takes is from the perspective of a professional life coach. The goal is to explore the topic and help you gain clarity.
Intimacy in relationships in general and sex in a relationship particularly can be a tricky and very emotional topic for coaching clients to bring to sessions. With a lot of care and trust, this topic is addressed. Below are a few areas that I ask you to get clarity around before making the decision to have sex in a relationship
1. Determine how important sex is in a relationship
Your opinion about sex is a combination of what you were taught growing up, personal experiences, and wisdom gained through age. Past intimate relationships play a major role in this opinion. This means that how each person feels about sex in a relationship is a vast and varied as fingerprints.
Just think about your last intimate relationship where sex was involved. What were your feelings around it? How did your partner make you feel? What was the conversation like around sex in that relationship? Answers to these questions will allow you to determine how important sex is in a relationship going forward.The decision about the importance of sex in a relationship is a very personal one. Click To Tweet
Once you understand this you know how to have the discussion in your next intimate relationship when the conversation comes around. Remember, the decision about the importance of sex in a relationship is a very personal one. You should feel comfortable and supported making that decision in your intimate relationships. If you’re still having trouble determining the importance of sex in a relationship, working with a professional life coach may be useful.
Some books I’ve found insightful about sex in a relationship:
- Not Always in the Mood: The New Science of Men, Sex, and Relationships
- Love Worth Making: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship
- Sex in Recovery: A Meeting Between the Covers
2. Understand yourself first
This is the step where I want you to think. Think hard. Do you have a positive sense of self in your intimate relationships? What impact does your sense of self have on your decision around the importance of sex in a relationship? You need to understand where you’re coming from. Insecurities and self-doubts can play a very negative role in your decision about the importance of sex in a relationship if you aren’t aware they exist.
No one is perfect and we all are a little self-conscious about something. That’s normal. What I’m referring to here is when we allow any negative self-perceptions to cloud our judgment. Take time and write out your true feelings about yourself. Also, get clear around what influences your opinion of the importance of sex in a relationship.Addressing any insecurities or self-doubts prior to getting into an intimate relationship is ideal. Click To Tweet
Addressing any insecurities or self-doubts prior to getting into an intimate relationship is ideal. However, most of us don’t reflect on ourselves until we’re neck-deep in a new situation. Start now. No matter where you are in terms of relationship status, just start now. The sooner you understand yourself, the clearer you can become about the importance of sex in a relationship.
Some interesting books about understanding yourself:
- Understand Yourself, Understand Your Partner: The Essential Enneagram Guide to a Better Relationship
- To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself: The Journey of Two Women (Relationship and Dating Advice for Women) (Volume 10)
- The Five Elements: Understand Yourself and Enhance Your Relationships with the Wisdom of the World’s Oldest Personality Type System
- How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety
- Positive Personality Profiles: Discover Personality Insights to Understand Yourself and Others by Robert A. Rohm
- Discover Yourself: Understand Who You Are, What You Do Well, and What You Are Passionate About
- Getting to Know Yourself Journal: A journal with prompts to have fun learning about yourself in your everyday life.
3. Identify your needs
We all have needs. Beyond the basic human needs, we all have needs within a relationship as well. The importance of sex in a relationship can greatly be impacted by whether you feel your needs are being meant in other areas. As we all know, intimate relationships aren’t all about sex. Here I want you to figure out what your needs are.
Think of your intimate relationships as a whole, then get specific and think about your needs in the context of the importance of sex in your relationship. List at least 5 things. Do you and your partner speak the same love language? What do you like sexually? What would make you feel comfortable to express your needs in intimate relationships?As we all know, intimate relationships aren't all about sex! Click To Tweet
A little nervous with these questions? Never fear! You don’t have to try and figure this out alone. Working with a professional life coach will give you the structure and security to begin to uncover your needs. Please understand that determining the importance of sex in a relationship can be fluid. It is also only one part of an overall intimate relationship. Think about this. Hopefully, this will allow you to be more honest with yourself.
Some books of interest in identifying your needs:
- More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory
- The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
- The 5 Love Languages for Men: Tools for Making a Good Relationship Great
- The 5 Love Languages Singles Edition: The Secret that Will Revolutionize Your Relationships
- Anxiety in Relationship: How Anxiety Ruins Relationships and Why You NEED to Stop Feeling Insecure and Attached in Love. Learn To Identify Irrational Behaviors That Trigger Anxiety!
- How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving
Other blog posts of interest:
♦ 7 Reasons Women Are NOT Calling You Back (For Men Only)
♦ Dating Around: Controversial Reasons Why He is NOT Calling You Back! (For Women Only)
♦ 7 Signs That Intimate Relationships Aren’t Your Cup Of Tea
♦ Are You A Hot Mess At Dating?!
♦ Bold First Date Questions That NEED To Be Asked
What are your thoughts about the importance of sex in a relationship? Comment, like, share, and subscribe! If you’re really ready to get to the core of who you are an what you need, book a professional life coaching session with me today!