How To Be Successful After A Break-up

Break-ups are tough and often they really disrupt your life.  Whether you were planning ‘happily ever after’ with your former sweetie or not, getting used to that other person not being around can be hard.  I often work with clients who are at the crossroads of letting go and clinging to what once was.  This blog post focuses on some of the same steps I focus on during coaching sessions to help clients achieve success after a break-up.

1. Clear out your space

No matter the type of relationship you had, the beginning of rebuilding yourself after a breakup begins with clearing out the clutter.  Physical reminders of the other person can be constant torture.  Give yourself 4 to 6 weeks to get through this phase.

No, I’m not asking you to clear out your house in a day.  But you should also not be dwelling on your ex 6 months from now.  4 to 6 weeks is enough time to slowly but consistently clear out anything left behind from your ex.

• Clothes from your ex?  Donate them.
• Shared furniture that was left behind? Donate it.
• Old photos? Burn them! (just kidding…sort of)

On a side note, if you and your ex have things you want to return to one another, be civil about it.  Meet in daytime hours only.  If you two don’t trust or want to be alone during exchanges of stuff, ask a mutual, trustworthy friend to be there as well.  Success after a break-up means handling any required exchanges as quickly and civilly as possible!

♦ Has it been four to six weeks and you’re still having trouble moving on?  Then working with a professional life coach will help.  Schedule a few sessions with me today so we can move you past your last relationship!

Here are some books that may also be useful in clearing out the clutter from your ex:

• It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: The Smart Girl’s Break-Up Buddy
• Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You
• The Breakup Bible: The Smart Woman’s Guide to Healing from a Breakup or Divorce

2. Step back & reflect

This second step should be happening simultaneously with the first.  While you are donating those clothes that your ex left, you should also be taking time to reflect on the relationship.

Reflect, don’t dwell. 

What reflection means is to take a non-judgemental look back at the relationship.  The ups, the downs, the things that totally went sideways, and the things that totally turned out to be awesome.  There were good times and bad.  Being a success after a break-up means you’ve taken all of those reflections to see what you’ve learned.  Keeping a journal at this time is also useful.

Reflection is a powerful tool that creates future insight Click To Tweet

At the end of the day, you learned something from that relationship.  Get clear about what you’ve learned.  What did you learn about yourself?  What did you learn about the characteristics you want in your next partner?  What characteristics did you learn that you don’t want in your next partner?  Reflection is a powerful tool that creates future insight.  Getting clear will help guide you in your future relationships.

♦ Reflections not working?  Do you find yourself dwelling on that past relationship?  Don’t fret!  Schedule a few coaching sessions with me, a professional life coach, to achieve a very positive outcome from a negative situation.

Here are some books about learning and reflecting after a breakup that some of my clients have found useful are:

• This Is Me Letting You Go
• Left Alone to Learn (The Break-up Book)
• Start Where You Are: A Journal for Self-Exploration
• The Breakup Band Aid: A 12-step Program to Kick the Addiction to Your Ex
• Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed

3. Develop & implement a self-care routine

Taking care of yourself needs to be a priority.  If you haven’t been engaged in routines and rituals that boost, balance, and rejuvenate you, then now is the time to start.  Don’t let the term “self-care” scare you.  It doesn’t have to be complex.

For example one of my clients was struggling after a recent break-up and the subject of self-care came up.  When all was said and done, she decided that taking a long bubble bath on Friday nights would help her relax and ease into the weekend.  A weekly bubble bath is what she chose as her first activity in her self-care routine.  Now it’s your turn. List 3 to 5 things that you can do on a weekly basis to balance, relax, boost, or rejuvenate yourself.  Here are some ideas:

• Yoga
• Prayer
• Exercise
• Meditation
• Journaling
• Going to the spa
• Taking long baths
• Working on a hobby
• Spending time in nature
• Listening to soothing music at the end of the day
• Drinking tea or coffee while watching the sunrise or sunset

♦ Developing a useful self-care routine can be challenging.  Working with a professional life coach is useful in helping you to do just that!  Book sessions with me today in order to figure out how to develop the self-care routines that’ll work best for you.

If you still need some inspiration, here are some books I think would be useful:

• Self-Care: A Day and Night Reflection Journal
• This is For You: A creative toolkit for better self-care
• The Book of Self-Care: Remedies for Healing Mind, Body, and Soul
• Zen as F*ck: A Journal for Practicing the Mindful Art of Not Giving a Sh*t (Zen as F*ck Journals)
• The Little Book of Self-Care: 200 Ways to Refresh, Restore, and Rejuvenate

4. Get back in the game

You’ve cleared the clutter.  You’ve reflected on your last relationship.  You’ve created doable and fun self-care rituals for yourself.  What next?  Not it’s time for you to get back in the dating game!  You’re at a good space mentally and emotionally and it’s time to find a great partner.  The way you decide to get back into dating is up to you.  Online, mobile, in person, blind dates, hookups through friends, etc .

Don't spend time on dating anyone who drains your energy or emotions. Click To Tweet

Whatever ways you choose should be the best for you.  Make sure at all times you are being mindful of your emotions and your energy when dating.  If anyone drains your energy or takes a toll on your emotions to deal with, delete their number, block them from your phone and move on!  You are too important to be spending your time, emotions, and energy on anyone who is not of equal awesomeness to you.

♦ Struggling to get back into the dating game?  Then schedule a few sessions with me so we can create a plan for success for your upcoming adventures in dating!

Here are some books to boost your confidence in dating:

• Getting Back Out There: Secrets to Successful Dating and Finding Real Love after the Big Breakup
• How to Be Single and Happy: Science-Based Strategies for Keeping Your Sanity While Looking for a Soul Mate
• Bitch Up! Expect More, Get More: A Woman’s Guide to Maintaining Her Power and Sanity After a Breakup

Conclusion

Success after a break-up largely depends upon the steps you take immediately after you part ways.  If nothing else, you know you should:

1. Clear out your space
2. Step back & reflect
3. Develop & implement a self-care routine
4. Get back into the game

So how are you doing with rebounding after your break up?  Comment below!  Don’t forget to like, subscribe and share too!

Other blog posts of interest:

♦ Are You A Hot Mess At Dating?!
♦ How Are You Finding Your Bliss?
♦ 5 Tips for Successful Online Dating
♦ 7 Signs That Intimate Relationships Aren’t Your Cup Of Tea
♦ Dating Around: Controversial Reasons Why He is NOT Calling You Back! (For Women Only)