Author: viewslifecoaching

Open Communication In Intimate Relationships

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communication - intimate relationships

You’re angry, frustrated, and don’t know what to say next!

Does this sound like you in your intimate relationships?  You’re not alone.  I work with many of my coaching clients around their frustration in communication with their partner.  Whether you’re dating, married, in a long term relationship, cohabitating, in an open relationship, etc.  you must understand that communication is key if you expect that intimate relationship to work!

Below are a few tips that I’ve learned from working with clients around communication in their intimate relationships.  Take these tips to heart and understand how you can apply them in your relationship asap.

Communication in Intimate Relationships Tip #1: Let your partner know what’s important to you

communication - intimate relationships1If you’re in any kind of serious intimate relationship, then this should be a given.  Do you have physical, social, environmental, political, or other general activities that are important to you?  Do you have a secret passion that you want to pursue a new activity that you want to try?  If your answer is yes to either question then your answer should also be yes to the question around whether your partner knows, understands, and respects these things about you!

Any interest that's important to you should be known, understood, and respected by your intimate partner Share on X

Many people don’t take the time to have these discussions when they get into intimate relationships and that is not a good idea.  Speak openly and be honest.  Aside from the important things, does your partner know the things about you that make you…you?!  Such as your favorite color, your favorite teacher from elementary, the first boy you kissed, your major in college.  If they don’t know these things, ask yourself how open is the communication in your relationship.

♦ Want to be a better communicator in your intimate relationship?  Then book a few sessions for relationship coaching with me today!

Some books clients have found helpful around open communication in intimate relationships are:

Communication in Intimate Relationships Tip #2: Learn to have fruitful conversations…in love and war

communication - intimate relationships2Let’s face it, intimate relationships are hard.  They bring out the best and the worst in us all.  However, if you want an intimate relationship that actually lasts, you have to know how to effectively communicate in all situations.  Based upon working with my clients, here’s what doesn’t work in times of conflict:

  • screaming and yelling,
  • sarcasm and insults,
  • pouting and sulking, and
  • the silent treatment

If you’ve done any of that stuff in the past, then you know it doesn’t work.  If you want to communicate effectively in intimate relationships, that means you’re going to need some new tools.  You have to learn how to communicate with fact and not just feeling.

Open communication in intimate relationships is most successful when the well-being of you and your partner is a consideration. Share on X

Also, learn how to have discussions around more sensitive (or potentially explosive topics) when you and your partner are both well rested.  Talking about touchy subjects when either of you is tired, irritable or stressed about other things is a recipe for disaster.  Open communication in intimate relationships is most successful when the well-being of you and your partner is a consideration.

♦ Do you need lessons on mindfulness and how to fight fair in intimate relationships?  Then working with a relationship coach can help.  Book your sessions today!

Some interesting books around how to communicate well in both love and war (in a relationship) are:

Communication in Intimate Relationships Tip #3: Be open in discussions with your partner about what you do and don’t like in the bedroom

communication - intimate relationships3Now on to the touchiest subjects of all when it comes to intimate relationships…physical intimacy.  Sex is an important aspect of any intimate relationship.  The level of importance varies for each couple.  However, it is an important part of bonding, communicating, and reaffirming your connection to your partner.  Being that sex is such an important part of an intimate relationship, ask yourself if you’re being open, honest and satisfied in yours.

What you do or don't discuss with your partner about your sex life will have a direct impact on how good or bad it is! Share on X

From working with clients I’ve seen more resentment and anger in relationships being rooted in lack of communication around sex more than anything!  If you’re not happy or satisfied, then you need to say something.  What you do or don’t discuss with your partner about your sex life will have a direct impact on how good or bad it is!   How you say it and what you say is what will make the difference in your partner listening to you or completely shutting down on you.

♦ Are you at a loss about how to start the conversation with your partner about your sex life?  Then working with a relationship coach can help you figure out exactly what to say!  Book your sessions today!

Some books that may help you talk about sex in your intimate relationship are:

Conclusion

Communication is the key to success in any relationship.  This is especially true in an intimate relationship.  Is your answer “yes” to the following three statements:

  1. My partner knows the things that are important to me
  2. My partner and I have good communication when things are good or bad
  3. My partner satisfies me sexually

If your answer is no to any of these questions, take note!  For a relationship to grow and last communication is important.  This means you need to start taking action today to improve communication with your partner asap!

Like, comment, share, & subscribe!

Other blog posts of interest:

♦ Are You A Hot Mess At Dating?!
♦ Importance of Sex in A Relationship
♦ The Secret To Creating A Lasting Morning Workout Routine
♦ 7 Signs That Intimate Relationships Aren’t Your Cup Of Tea
♦ Dating Around: Controversial Reasons Why He is NOT Calling You Back! (For Women Only)

Accountability & Working With A Professional Life Coach

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accountability professional life coach

Take a moment and imagine.

Imagine that your life and everything in it is going exactly the way you want it to.  You love your job, you love your personal life, you’re content and happy in every area!  Like many celebrities and Fortune 500 executives, to achieve this level of success, one of the tools in your success kit is probably working with a professional life coach.

You may be asking “so what makes working with a professional life coach so great?!”

One of the answers is accountability.

What does accountability from a professional life coach look like?

professional life coachA professional life coach is an independent third party person who will encourage you.  They will also hold you accountable for the steps to success you declared that you’re going to take.  Please understand that this isn’t the type of accountability that is exercised in a relationship with a parent, your boss, your spouse, or with a mental health professional.

A coach will partner with you to help you uncover fears and define goals. Share on X

A coach will partner with you to help you uncover fears and define goals. From whatever starting point is established, you both will work together to identify your path to success bit-by-bit.  Rome was not built in a day and this process will not happen overnight.  Effective partnership with a professional life coach will help you to chunk down whatever areas need to be addressed in your life — in a manner that resonates and challenges you.

For example, say you book a session with a professional life coach and want to move forward in your career.  Some of the areas that come up in your sessions include:

  • Level of education,
  • Professional appearance,
  • Self-confidence issues,
  • Effective upstream management (a.k.a. knowing how to manage your manager),
  • Communication, and
  • Clarity around what success looks like for the client.
Any change requires action on the part of the person who desires that change Share on X

Each of these areas will need a defined goal.  Each goal will then have accompanying action steps that need to be completed by you to reach the bigger goal.  Make no mistake, these are not goals and action steps defined by the professional life coach.  Any goals or action steps have been defined by you!  Some action steps may overlap.  However, whatever is determined by you and understood by your coach is what you will be held accountable for.  Remember, any change requires action on the part of the person who desires that change.

Let’s continue with our example…

So you decide the first area that you want to focus on is self-confidence.  A professional life coach will do two main things:

  • ask powerful questions that allow you to come up with a defined goal, and
  • dig deeper to provide you with the space to come up with action steps to meet that defined goal.

As you work with your coach and masterful questions are being posed, you have the revelation that your self-confidence issues are based on not being able to ask for what you want without feeling guilty. Bingo, you’ve identified the issue and know your goal is to have more self-confidence in work situations!

Some actions steps that you may come up with could be:

  • learning how to ask for what you want at home (i.e. help with chores from your kids or spouse),
  • learning how to say no in your personal life, and
  • starting to take more time for yourself each day.

Action steps like this will help you to build your self-confidence.

How is accountability between a client and a professional life coach implemented?

professional life coachThe short answer is through conversation.  At the start of a session, one of the many things your professional life coach will do is ask about the progress towards your goals.  Be honest and open at this moment.  There is no need to lie to yourself or your coach.  Sometimes when progress isn’t occurring it’s because the goal that you’ve selected really isn’t resonating with you at the moment.

And that’s ok!

Your professional life coach wants you to have the best possible outcome for you.  No fear or worry should be present and (trust me on this one) they won’t be mad at you.  Hesitation, procrastination, or lack of desire towards a stated goal is very revealing.  This usually means that you and your coach need to dig deeper.

Using the example from earlier this means that means

Conclusion

You’re already powerful and you’re already great.  Working with a professional life coach will only help you to unleash the potential that’s already there!  The only difference is that an independent 3rd party will be helping you to:

  • define your goals,
  • define the action steps necessary to meet your goals, and
  • asking questions around the completion of those action steps to ensure you stay on track.

Are you serious?  Do you think you’re ready to take the plunge and work with a professional life coach? Let me know in the comments below!

Other blog posts of interest:

♦ Secret Reasons Why Professional Coaches Are NOT Calling You Back
♦ Overcoming Self-Sabotage: 3 Steps to Take Today
♦ What to Expect: When Working With A Professional Life Coach

How to Stop Procrastinating…One Step at A Time

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stop procrastinating Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off until the day after tomorrow what should have been done the day before yesterday ~ Napoleon Hill Share on X

pic of what procrastination looks like

The definition of procrastination is the act or habit of procrastinating or putting off or delaying, especially something requiring immediate attention. With that in mind, can you be honest with yourself about whether or not you procrastinate?

If you’ve decided that you are a procrastinator then this is a serious problem that you need to address ASAP! Procrastination is an insidious little habit that, if not addressed, will delay and destroy your happiness. Whether it’s in your career, social life, or another area of your personal life, procrastination is a habit we all need to confront.

Procrastination is one of the most common and deadliest of diseases and its toll on success and happiness is heavy ~ Wayne Gretzky Share on X

1. Understand that procrastination is a habit

First things first, understand that procrastination is nothing more than a habit (a terrible one of course) but a habit none the less. Disempower the word and what it means to you. If you want to learn how to stop procrastinating, you first have to learn to think of it as a bad habit you want to replace with a good habit. Here are some great books I recommend on how to stop procrastinating:

♦ Is procrastination a habit you’re finding hard to understand? Then book a session with a professional life coach today!

2. Take a look at your life overall

Where are you at in your life? What areas are you happy with, somewhat happy with, and totally unhappy with? This is our starting point.

  • For each area of your life where you’re happy, jot down three things that make you happy about it.
  • For each area of your life where you’re somewhat happy, jot down three things that make you happy + three things that you want to improve upon.
  • For each area of your life where you’re unhappy, jot down three things that you want to improve upon.

3. Look at things objectively

Look at the items you just wrote down with an objective eye. That means without judgment. You want to take the negative emotion out of it. Now you know what you want to work on. Remember that awareness is the first step to making different choices.  This is no different when figuring out how to stop procrastinating.

4. Celebrate your successes

We’ve been going down the path of looking at the things you don’t like and what you want to change. Take a moment now to look at the things that are great and wonderful about your life and where you’ve had success.

Think of these areas as places where you did not procrastinate and jot down a few notes about how success was achieved. Past successes are a roadmap to future successes.

Past successes are a roadmap to future successes Share on X

For example, say that you are very happy with where you are in terms of health and fitness. What habits are currently practiced that contribute towards success? What foods play a major part in a healthy diet?

This information is important and will prove to be useful in learning how to stop procrastinating in other areas of your life.

5. Apply success strategies

Earlier, you jotted down the areas where you were somewhat happy or unhappy. Now it’s time to dig deeper. Let’s start with the areas where you’re somewhat happy. Look at where you have had success in these areas. Next, you want to identify the success strategies that you used to achieve happiness in these areas. Let’s work with an example here. Say you are somewhat happy with your career and the things you are happy about are:

  • Have a Bachelor’s Degree in your chosen field,
  • Like the company that you work for,
  • Enjoy some flexibility with your job in terms of working from home, start time, etc.

However, there are some areas that you most certainly don’t like but know that procrastination has played a role and they include:

  • Not having worked toward professional certifications early in your career so you can be further in your now,
  • Not having worked on a side business years earlier so you can be financially independent now,
  • Feeling overall as if you’re fulfilling your potential

How does this example make you feel?  Take a moment to reflect and jot down how you would address some areas of this scenario.  The same way you’re identifying how to address the things that aren’t working well for the person in this scenario is the same way you need to identify solutions for yourself.

Now that you have taken time to understand how to stop procrastinating, it’s your turn to dig deeper (in multiple areas of your life).  And don’t feel as if you have to do this all alone! Book a life coaching session with me and we can dig deeper together.

Other blog posts of interest:

♦ 5 Ways Self-Sabotage Is Stopping You From Reaching Your Goals
♦ What to Expect: When Working With A Professional Life Coach
♦ The Secret To Creating A Lasting Morning Workout Routine
♦ Overcoming Self-Sabotage: 3 Steps to Take Today
♦ 3 Steps to Getting Unstuck

Importance of Sex in A Relationship

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Importance of Sex In A Relationship

Before I start, let me make it clear that I am not a medical doctor. I can’t diagnose or treat a condition related to any sexual disease or dysfunction. The approach this post takes is from the perspective of a professional life coach. The goal is to explore the topic and help you gain clarity.

Intimacy in relationships in general and sex in a relationship particularly can be a tricky and very emotional topic for coaching clients to bring to sessions. With a lot of care and trust, this topic is addressed. Below are a few areas that I ask you to get clarity around before making the decision to have sex in a relationship

1. Determine how important sex is in a relationship

importance of sex in a relationship

Your opinion about sex is a combination of what you were taught growing up, personal experiences, and wisdom gained through age. Past intimate relationships play a major role in this opinion. This means that how each person feels about sex in a relationship is a vast and varied as fingerprints.

Just think about your last intimate relationship where sex was involved. What were your feelings around it? How did your partner make you feel? What was the conversation like around sex in that relationship? Answers to these questions will allow you to determine how important sex is in a relationship going forward.

The decision about the importance of sex in a relationship is a very personal one. Share on X

Once you understand this you know how to have the discussion in your next intimate relationship when the conversation comes around. Remember, the decision about the importance of sex in a relationship is a very personal one. You should feel comfortable and supported making that decision in your intimate relationships. If you’re still having trouble determining the importance of sex in a relationship, working with a professional life coach may be useful.

Some books I’ve found insightful about sex in a relationship:

2. Understand yourself first

importance of sex in a relationship

This is the step where I want you to think. Think hard. Do you have a positive sense of self in your intimate relationships? What impact does your sense of self have on your decision around the importance of sex in a relationship? You need to understand where you’re coming from. Insecurities and self-doubts can play a very negative role in your decision about the importance of sex in a relationship if you aren’t aware they exist.

No one is perfect and we all are a little self-conscious about something. That’s normal. What I’m referring to here is when we allow any negative self-perceptions to cloud our judgment. Take time and write out your true feelings about yourself. Also, get clear around what influences your opinion of the importance of sex in a relationship.

Addressing any insecurities or self-doubts prior to getting into an intimate relationship is ideal. Share on X

Addressing any insecurities or self-doubts prior to getting into an intimate relationship is ideal. However, most of us don’t reflect on ourselves until we’re neck-deep in a new situation. Start now. No matter where you are in terms of relationship status, just start now. The sooner you understand yourself, the clearer you can become about the importance of sex in a relationship.

Some interesting books about understanding yourself:

3. Identify your needs

importance of sex in a relationship

We all have needs. Beyond the basic human needs, we all have needs within a relationship as well. The importance of sex in a relationship can greatly be impacted by whether you feel your needs are being meant in other areas. As we all know, intimate relationships aren’t all about sex. Here I want you to figure out what your needs are.

Think of your intimate relationships as a whole, then get specific and think about your needs in the context of the importance of sex in your relationship. List at least 5 things. Do you and your partner speak the same love language? What do you like sexually? What would make you feel comfortable to express your needs in intimate relationships?

As we all know, intimate relationships aren't all about sex! Share on X

A little nervous with these questions? Never fear! You don’t have to try and figure this out alone. Working with a professional life coach will give you the structure and security to begin to uncover your needs. Please understand that determining the importance of sex in a relationship can be fluid. It is also only one part of an overall intimate relationship. Think about this. Hopefully, this will allow you to be more honest with yourself.

Some books of interest in identifying your needs:

Other blog posts of interest:

♦ 7 Reasons Women Are NOT Calling You Back (For Men Only)
♦ Dating Around: Controversial Reasons Why He is NOT Calling You Back! (For Women Only)
♦ 7 Signs That Intimate Relationships Aren’t Your Cup Of Tea
♦ Are You A Hot Mess At Dating?!
♦ Bold First Date Questions That NEED To Be Asked

What are your thoughts about the importance of sex in a relationship? Comment, like, share, and subscribe! If you’re really ready to get to the core of who you are an what you need, book a professional life coaching session with me today!

Dating After 40

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dating after 40

Dating in today’s world of everyone being on the go, ever-evolving technology,  social connection, and overall flakiness of many can be challenging for anyone.  That challenge is amplified as you become older and wiser about what you do and don’t want!  Many of my coaching clients who are successfully dating after 40 had to develop more self-awareness and address certain fears before they were successful.

If you want to get absolutely clear about what you want from dating and relationships, working with a professional life coach can definitely help.  Before you start dating after 40, have you taken the time to do a self-assessment of where you’re at in life?  What do your next steps look like?  Do you want love? Do you want romance?  Do you want wild passion?  Do you want companionship? Figure this out first.

Below are some blog posts and book recommendations that I’ve come across in my effort to learn more about different perspectives of those who are dating after 40:

Blog posts about dating after 40:

  1. Dating After Divorce at 40: What You Should Know {The Date Mix}
  2. What Dating After 40 is Like for Men (Advice for Women) {Date Like A Grown Up}
  3. Dating After 40: Debunking the Myths {Meet Mindful}
  4. Dating After 40 {Harper’s Bazaar}
  5. 7 Essential Tips for Dating After 40 {The Date Mix}
  6. Over 40? Whatever You Do, Avoid These 9 Dating Mistakes {Reader’s Digest}
  7. Single Women Over 40 Reveal Their Biggest Problems in Dating {The Good Men Project}
  8. Dating after 40: for best results, keep your mind open—not your checklist {msdianekennedy}
  9. Dating After 40: What’s New? {How Stuff Works}
  10. Ladies: 5 Must-Know Tips for Online Dating after 40 {eHarmony}

Some books of interest:

Other blog posts of interest:

♦ Dating After Divorce {Volume 2}
♦ Dating After Divorce {Volume 1}
♦ Dating After 30
♦ Are You A Hot Mess At Dating?!
♦ 7 Reasons Women Are NOT Calling You Back (For Men Only)
♦ Dating Around: Controversial Reasons Why He is NOT Calling You Back! (For Women Only)

Are you actively dating after 40?  Are you interested in dating after 40?  Comment, like, share,  and subscribe!  If you’re actively or interested in dating after 40, working with a professional life coach will definitely help you out.  Book a session with me today!