5 Tips for Successful Online Dating

July 1, 2019July 29, 2019 ~ viewslifecoaching ~ Leave a comment

successful online dating Do you find dating complicated?

Is it becoming harder and harder to find Ms. or Mr. Right?

If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, know that you’re not alone! Many of my clients decide to work with a professional life coach because their love lives are not going the way they want them to. So they decided to go online. Below are the top five tips that I’ve learned from the trials & errors of coaching clients. Follow these tips to get what it takes for successful online dating to occur. The goal is for you to avoid many of the pitfalls and mishaps they have experienced.

1. Be honest

successful online dating1 We all know that honesty is the best policy. That applies to online dating as well. When you set up your profile on a dating website or app:

be honest about who you are,
show real pictures of yourself in realistic situations,
show a couple of pictures of yourself doing activities you enjoy (i.e. spending time with friends, cooking, running, traveling, etc.)

Yes, you need to be cautious not to put anything on your dating profile that can be perceived as negative or too provocative, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be authentic and honest about who you are.

♦ Are you struggling with trusting yourself? Then working with a professional life coach can have a positive impact! Book a session with me today to learn more.

2. Set boundaries

successful online dating2 A huge part of successful online dating is making sure you set and stick to personal boundaries. From the first message that’s sent, start interacting in a way that makes you comfortable. Set the tone. If that’s formal, then start off that way; if that’s casual, start off that way. If health and fitness is very important to you, start off with a discussion around that topic.

A word of caution about starting off too sexual. That can lead to uncomfortable situations and unrealistic expectations. Remember, you want to use successful online dating techniques not successful hookup techniques.

♦ Is setting boundaries something you’ve struggled with in past relationships? Then book a session with me today to gain insight and courage on how boundaries encourage respect and collaboration.

3. Trust your gut

successful online dating 3 We all have instincts. You know that feeling when something just isn’t ‘right’? It usually happens in the pit of your stomach, in your chest, or tension in your neck and shoulders. Everyone is a little different in where they physically feel the feelings when something isn’t quite right, but we all experience those feelings. Those are your instincts and they are meant to keep you safe.

Trust those instincts!

If you’re talking to someone online and something just feels ‘not right’, trust your gut! That doesn’t necessarily mean you have to stop talking to that person, but successful online dating means you know when to possibly limit communication. Taking a break for a few days to process things the other person has said is also a successful online dating technique in order to truly get perspective on that person and where they’re coming from.

♦ Is trusting your gut something you have trouble doing? Then working with a professional life coach will help you gain insight and confidence to trust yourself more! Book a session with me today so you can begin living in your confidence.

4. Be open (but cautious)

successful online dating 4 Successful online dating differs very little from successful in-person dating. You have to be open and you have to be yourself. That being said you also have to use good judgment about what you choose to share about yourself on the initial stages of dating.

For example, if you are an outdoor enthusiast, it totally makes sense to share some great stories about your experiences doing outdoor activities and exotic places you’ve traveled to for such activities. However, there’s no need for you to share intimate details about your personal, financial, or other information.

♦ Is opening up something you find hard to do? Then book a session with me today so we can begin to uncover internal roadblocks in your way.

5. Make it worth your time

successful online dating 5 Your time is precious so don’t waste it. In the world of successful online dating, this means that don’t spend your time with frogs when you are seeking your prince. Yes, you need to be open to different personalities and experiences. However, this does not mean that you need to waste your time communicating with someone whose values, goals, current circumstance, mentality, or attitude is not in alignment with where you’re at or where you’re trying to get to.

Remember you can, at most, inspire a person to change but you can’t actually change that person. Any lasting change comes from within and is a very personal journey.

Remember you can, at most, inspire a person to change but you can't actually change that person. Share on X

So what are your thoughts on successful online dating? Have you had any success online dating? Like, comment, share, and subscribe!

Dating After Divorce {Volume 2}

June 29, 2019June 29, 2019 ~ viewslifecoaching ~ Leave a comment

dating after divorce

As you’ve heard me say many times before, intimate relationships can be hard and may not be for everybody. Dating after divorce is a sensitive subject that I often coach clients around. They are challenged to come up with answers to questions like:

what to do,
what not to do,
defining what they want, and
getting clear on what they’ve learned about themselves from their marriage.

In my zest for knowledge and greater insight on the perspectives of others about dating after divorce, I’ve found some great blog post.

Therapist Gives Tips to Make Dating After Divorce Easier for Men {Divorce Guy Grinning}
15 Tips You Need To Know About Dating After Divorce {Riebesehl Family Law Offices}
Dating After Divorce – Are You Making These Four Mistakes? {Rebuilding Your Life After Divorce}
Dating After Divorce: Advice, Tips, and Why This Is An Exciting Time! {Divorced Girl Smiling}
A Few Stunning Dating Tips For After a Divorce {The Good Men Project}
Dating After Divorce: 3 Dos and 3 Don’ts {Black Love Advice}
17 Essential Rules For Dating After Divorce {Your Tango}
Dating After Divorce {Woman’s Divorce}
9 Tips for Dating After Divorce (That Are Actually Useful) {Silver Singles}
Dating after Divorce: The Basics {Divorce Help for Parents}

Great books for those dating and dating after divorce:

Are you trying to figure the whole ‘dating after divorce’ thing out?

Know someone who is?

Then like, comment, share, and subscribe!

7 Reasons Women Are NOT Calling You Back (For Men Only)

June 24, 2019June 23, 2019 ~ viewslifecoaching ~ Leave a comment

intimate relationships - for men only

A really cool part about working as a life coach is getting to hear and engage in conversations about relationships.

The good, the bad and the ugly!

Let’s face it, intimate relationships are hard. That’s why people hire dating and relationship coaches to help them get clear about what they do and don’t want. Over the past few months, I’ve noticed some recurring themes in the dating struggles of many of my female clients.

Below are some of those themes and insights I think every guy should know if the women he likes are not calling him back.

1. Too focused on sex too soon

Sex is an important part of an adult intimate relationship. Share on X

Sex is an important part of an adult intimate relationship. There’s no question about that! However, men need to understand that, in general, women are wired differently than them on this subject. Some women want love before sex but from my experience, all women want some level of trust to be established before choosing to have sex in intimate relationships.

Lesson learned: Focus on developing good communication and trust before worrying about getting a woman in bed.

2. Too much baggage from past intimate relationships

Are you that guy? You know the one I’m talking about. On a first date that story you thought would be charming to tell turns into a vent session full of bitterness towards your ex.

This is something coaching clients tell me about often.

Make peace with your past intimate relationships before getting into a new intimate relationship Share on X

If you’re this guy, stop doing this immediately!

Stop dating for now.

Do some self-reflection and healing.

Get to a place where you’re no longer angry, bitter, or have negative feelings about your ex. Depending upon the length of the relationship and what happened during the relationship will determine how long it will take a person to heal & get past that relationship.

Lesson learned: Make peace with your past intimate relationships before getting into a new intimate relationship

3. Caught in a lie on the first date (a.k.a lacks integrity)

Imagine you’re out at a wonderful dinner with the woman you thought was attractive at the coffee shop. You two begin to talk about interests, etc. When she asks “oh have you ever been to {insert exotic location here}”?, instead of being honest and saying “no”, you go off on a tangent about something that you think you know about that location based upon what you saw on t.v.

If you're lying on the first date, this is not a good sign of things to come. Share on X

You are so wrapped up in the story you’re telling, you fail to notice the slight dip in your date’s smile. However, what you really failed to see is that you just dropped way down on her list of prospects. You’re already lying on the first date! This is not a good sign of things to come.

Lesson learned: Be honest about your experiences! If a particular question or subject makes you uncomfortable, just say so (Remember: Discussing religion and politics on a first date is an absolute no!). Don’t lie.

4. Too shallow

intimate relationships - too shallow What I’ve learned from my coaching clients is, that when they are ready for genuine mature intimate relationships, the appearance that a man is too shallow is an absolute turnoff.

Imagine this happening – you and the very fit, attractive woman at the gym hit it off one day and after flirting for a bit you ask her out on a date. You arrive on time. Pick the right restaurant. Both of you seem to be enjoying the atmosphere and the conversation. That is until you launch into your schpill on fitness and being “in shape”. You happen to say some nasty or just unbecoming things about people who aren’t fit and you’re so caught up in your speech you don’t notice that your lovely date has completely emotionally shut down on you! Don’t let that smile fool you!

Don't come off as too shallow on your first date! Be sure to not focus too much on physical characteristics! Share on X

What you have inadvertently done is to let her know that you are shallow and only worried about looks! What if she’s fit now but struggled with her weight at some point in her life? What if she has a close friend who is struggling with her weight? What if…a million other things?! You don’t know because you have effectively put your foot in your mouth and stated that a person who is not your idea of physical fitness is bad.

Way to go champ! You have completely lost the chance at a second date. Better luck next time.

Lesson learned: Physical appearance and attractiveness are important to most people. That’s life! However never be so focused on the physical that you come off as shallow, snobbish or insensitive. Those are characteristics that very few (if any) are looking for in a serious intimate relationship.

5. Comes off as selfish & self-centered

Though your mother may have raised you to believe differently, know that the whole world doesn’t revolve around you! If you go out on a date with someone, know that the conversation needs to be like a game of tennis…back and forth. There should be equal “air time” in the conversation.

Selfishness and self-centeredness is a no-no in any relationship but especially on a first date! Share on X

Lesson learned: Don’t dominate the conversation! Also, don’t make all talk about how great you are, how much you’ve accomplished, etc. Speak about interests, dreams, etc.

6. Don’t have a good relationship with your family

A red flag when I work with clients for dating and relationships coaching is when a client talks about how negative or nonexistent conversation about their potential beau’s family tends to be. Since I only work with adults, this is something that I find startling. If a person has had a bad or negative childhood, they need to make the decision to get the proper counseling to overcome it. I’m not saying everything is going to be perfect. What I’m saying is that you need to make sure you have your mind and emotions in a place of peace about your own family before getting into a serious intimate relationship with someone else.

Get your mind and emotions in a good place about your own family before you try to build one with someone else. Share on X

Just think.

You’re trying to go down the path of potentially building that with someone else. So what makes you a great catch if you have a bad relationship with the family you already have?!

Lesson learned: Get your mind and emotions in a good place about your own family before you try to build one with someone else.

7. Come off as lazy or has a lack of ambition

Lack of ambition is an unattractive characteristic in a potential intimate partner. Share on X

Lack of ambition is one of the most unattractive characteristics I hear about in coaching sessions with my clients when it comes to first dates.

Be sure that you’re not the man that we’re discussing!

Men this means that when a woman asks about your short-term and long-term goals, actually have answers to these questions. Shrugging and giving vague answers is kind of unacceptable for an adult man seeking to become a part of a serious intimate relationship.

Lesson learned: Have goals! Have plans! Be sure to make it apart of the conversation. Laziness is not attractive when anyone is seeking to be involved in a serious intimate relationship.

So those are the seven reasons women aren’t calling you back. Do any of these reasons resonate with you? If not, what are some reasons that you believe that women haven’t gone out with you on a second date?

Like, comment, subscribe & share!

Dating After 30

June 22, 2019June 22, 2019 ~ viewslifecoaching ~ Leave a comment

dating after 30-volume 1

Dating is a numbers game. All types of numbers…especially age. So dating after 30 can be daunting to say the least. Below are some datings tips I’ve come across online about the scary task of dating after 30.

12 Crucial Tips for Dating in Your 30s {MyDomaine}
6 Things You Should Know About Dating In Your 30s {Zoosk}
8 Women On What Dating In Your 30s Is Really Like {Women’s Heatlh}
Ways dating is different after 30 {The List}
11 Dating habits you should ditch after 30 {SheKnows}
9 Harsh Truths About Dating in Your Late 30s {Pop Sugar}
Why Dating After 30 Is a Blast {Flirt}
Dating in Your 30s {eHarmony}
Online Dating After 30: The ROI Is Awful {Refinery 29}
5 Types of Guys You’re Stuck Dating After 30 {CafeMom}

Dating over 30 and confused? Here are some books that I’ve read and learned a few nuggets of wisdom from over the years:

Dating Around: Controversial Reasons Why He is NOT Calling You Back! (For Women Only)

June 17, 2019July 13, 2019 ~ viewslifecoaching ~ Leave a comment

dating confidential - he's not calling back

As a professional coach, I have the absolute privilege to work with clients in all sorts of dating situations. From my experience, I’ve gathered feedback from both male and female clients who are actively dating around. This post will give you a glimpse into the sometimes controversial reasons why he is not returning calls.

Reason #1: Jumping in bed with him too soon

jumping in bed too soon Let’s start with the big one.

S-E-X

Yes, sex is a healthy and natural part of an adult intimate relationship. No complaints there! However, in this modern age, many women are trying to live out the lives of their favorite reality show icons and hop in the bed with a man too soon. Now, I’m no prude and think sexual liberation is a wonderful thing. Here’s the rub — women should realize that many men are not as hip to the times emotionally as they would like you to believe.

Check out this scenario: Yes, a woman meets a hot guy at a bar, had a few drinks, and then had a great mutually enjoyable night of sex. She thinks everything is going fine. He was the perfect gentleman when they parted ways the next morning. But it’s been five days and he has not called her back…WTF?!

Well, from several of my male clients who’ve been in this exact scenario, the story goes like this. They really like the woman and enjoyed the sex, but now they’re a little unsure if they want to move forward. Having sex so soon after meeting them kind of put the woman off their list of being someone potentially serious that they would date. They put the woman in one of three categories:

one night stand,
booty call, or at most
casual sex partner.

Now, don’t get me wrong, this is by no means what all men do and how all men think! I’m just relaying what I’ve seen happen many times.

Lesson learned: Wait to have sex until a more established communication and trusting relationship has been established. A great book to read that speaks to a modern generation of women navigating the murky waters of dating is Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, Expanded Edition: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment. I don’t agree with everything Steve says but I think there are many nuggets of truth in his insights.

Reason #2: Giving away too much too soon

Piggybacking off of the last reason, this is also about giving away too much too soon. Ok, so a woman meets a guy at the grocery store and the two of them have been exchanging texts for about a week. It’s not a good idea for her to one day decide to dump her entire life story on him via text! Clients who have experienced this often see the woman as needy, potentially emotionally unstable, and basically a hot mess to date.

Lesson learned: A person should wait to reveal more about themselves to a potential partner until more trust and comfort has been established.

Reason #3: Allowing him to only text

man text only

This blog post is for grown ups and if any person is past those tender high school years, a man should know how to communicate past texting. If he cannot write and speak in full sentences, then the bigger question may be “Is he someone I really want to date?” Grown men talk on the phone.

Set standards in dating and don't let him just text! Remember, grown men talk on the phone. Share on X

One piece of feedback that I’ve heard repeatedly with some of my male clients is that they don’t really take women seriously who only allow them to text. Yes, you heard me right. They state that they don’t take women seriously who allow them to only just text! Upon digging deeper into this insight, the bottom line is that they feel the woman has low self-esteem. In successful dating, it’s about a person setting a standard and holding another person to them!

♦A book that I recommend with totally outlandish (but insightful) lessons for women is WHY MEN MARRY BITCHES: EXPANDED NEW EDITION – A Guide for Women Who Are Too Nice

Lesson Learned: If a person wants to progress towards a serious relationship, regular phone conversations should be apart of the way they are communicating with their sweetie.

Reason #4: Personality comes off as too one-sided

dominant personality

Too angry
Too bitter
Too needy
Too clingy
Too strong
Too controlling
Too insecure
Too unavailable

Does any of this sound familiar? Well if it does, then a person needs to take a step back from dating for a while and do some self-work. A person should figure out why this description is how they are being perceived. I even encourage talking to exes for some valuable insights!

♦For more insights about dating, read my blog post Are You A Hot Mess At Dating?!

Lesson Learned: Any person who wants to have a successful dating life needs to first know who they are. Doing some serious deep reflection, especially with the help of a relationship coach, can prove to be invaluable in recognizing some overdeveloped personality traits.

Reason #5: He doesn’t have a chance to talk

no chance to talk

A woman meets a guy at the gym and they end up going on a date. He picks a fabulous place, arrives on time, and is a perfect gentleman throughout the evening. Things go south quickly (at least in his mind) when the woman sits down and basically talk about herself the entire night! She may think his crooked smile and nods mean that he is totally into her but nothing could be further from the truth!

Honey, he is being polite. I’ve had clients relay this situation often and they are frustrated and irritated as a result.

Lesson Learned: If a person needs to talk a lot about their backstory or is unaware of the habit they have to dominate conversations then they need to explore options such as:

the services of a professional counselor if there are really emotionally scarring things from their past that they always seem to bring up.
hire a professional coach to help them address the habit of dominating conversations and the meaning behind that behavior.

Reason #6: He doesn’t have a chance to process

guy processing in nature

Ok, so a woman goes out with a guy she recently meant and the first date went really well! The food, entertainment, and conversation were great. Now it’s the day after and she’s on edge about him asking her out on another date. If there is resonance with this, take a deep breath, put down the phone and do not text him! This is not about playing games, this is about being mature and giving him space to process. From what I hear from clients, this is sadly the place where things go south.

Lesson Learned: After meeting and engaging with a new potential intimate partner, it may take a few days to process. Men and women process differently and each person needs a different amount of time to process such new encounters (especially if they’re positive). Take the time to do some self-reflection. Why does anxiety occur when the thought of him not calling comes up? What does consistent communication look like? The answers to these questions provide great insight.

Reason #7: Emotionally charged topics are discussed on the first date

This bit of advice is probably not new, but politics and religion are a no-discuss zone on 99.9% of first dates. Even if two people vote the same political party, have the same religious views, and feel the same way about the issues of the day, they are re inevitably going to be some nuance around these hot-button items that they will not agree upon. I’ve had clients who basically tell me that they got in a heated debate on a first date and they were both on the same side of an issue. Needless to say, that left a very bad taste in everyone’s mouth.

Politics and religion are a no-discuss zone on 99.9% of first dates. It takes mutual respect to have an effective debate with another person. Share on X

Lesson Learned: Leave emotionally charged topics of discussion at the door. I’ve learned that it takes mutual respect to have an effective debate with another person. On a first date, respect and familiarity are minimal because two people don’t know one another yet. This is not the time or place to have that discussion.

Conclusion:

Leave all of your quirks, phobias, and craziness at home! Dating should be a positive experience, even if you don’t end up going on a second date. Be open and flexible (within your personal boundaries of course!) and go out there and date up a storm!

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Category: Relationships