How to Give Yourself Permission to Want More

permission to want more

What do you want?

Do you feel anxious and a little confused by this question?

We all want something. It could be big, it could be small, it could involve the whole world, or it could be something internal and private. No matter what it is, know that you’re not alone…because we all want something.

As a professional life coach, clients often come to me to help them define that something. This process of discovery is usually littered with internal blocks around desire vs. guilt vs. self-preception about what’s deserved.

Before my clients and I can define what they want, we must first work through these internal blocks. And that’s what this blog post is about.  Get clear around your goals, dreams, and ambitions by giving yourself permission to want more.

Step 1: Stop dismissing yourself

permission to want more - dismissing yourselfFamily, friends, and the world have told you to get a “stable job” and don’t go chasing “pipe dreams”.  If this sounds familiar, there’s a part of you that has bought into this logic and allowed a part of your dream to die.

Stop it now!

The process of discovery is usually littered with internal blocks around desire vs. guilt vs. self-preception about what's deserved. Click To Tweet

Revive that dream, vision, or goal for your life!  The first step in giving yourself permission to want more is to stop dismissing your dreams, goals, and aspirations.  No one can decide what you should want in life except you.

Struggling with dismissing yourself?  Then working with a professional life coach can help you move past internal blocks.  Book a session today!

Step 2: Get clear about what you want

  • Do you secretly want to be the next big pop star?  Make a plan, get a voice coach, get on YouTube and start booking regular studio time.
  • Is writing a New York Times Bestseller on your bucket list?  Then sign up for writing courses, establish a daily writing routine of at least 30 minutes or 1,500 words a day, start entering write contests, and researching agents.
  • Want to marry a billionaire? Take etiquette courses, research the events that the rich and ultra-rich frequently attend, start networking, and find your perfect high-net-worth partner!
You can't move towards any destination without first understanding what you ultimately want. Click To Tweet

permission to want more - get clearThese goals might seem crazy but who am I to judge?!  You can’t move towards any destination without first understanding what you ultimately want.  Once you know that, then you can start making a clear map on how to get there.

Your map is your overall plan.

The sooner you make a plan, the sooner you will start moving towards your goals.  And remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day.  Giving yourself permission to want more requires a little patience.  Chunk down your overall plan to actionable steps.  Set mini-goals on a weekly, monthly, and quarterly basis.  Reaching those mini-goals will keep you motivated.  This is important for your ultimate success.

Do you lack clarity around what you really want?  Book a session today and we can start to define your dreams!

Step 3: Get to the root of internal blocks

permission to want more - roadblocksLet’s face it, roadblocks suck!  On the road and in life they slow you down or prevent you altogether from reaching some destination.

Internal blocks are simply roadblocks.  Now it’s time to see where they came from.

  • Did you grow up in a negative family?
  • Were you constantly around family or friends who couldn’t dream big themselves?
  • Did the internal blocks come from your own negative self-talk?
The only power internal blocks have over you is the power that you give them. So stop giving them power! Click To Tweet

Whatever the case may be, take some time to get to the root of your internal blocks.  Identify them and confront them.  The only power internal blocks have over you is the power that you give them.  So stop giving them power!  Giving yourself permission to want more requires you to disarm these blocks.

A technique that works with coaching clients is to ask “so what?”.  Whenever they come up with negative stuff that can derail them from their goal, I ask that question.  Start doing this with your negative blocks.  The next time that negative self-talk starts, stop it in its tracks and ask yourself “so what?”  At first, this question may prompt a flood of negative emotions.  Let it happen.  Do some breathing exercises to calm back down, then ask the question again.  “So what?”

Repeat this exercise for every negative thought or emotion that comes up around your goals.  Eventually, you will ask the question “so what?” and the internal resistance will be minimal or none at all!  This will take some time.  Give yourself a week or two to work on each negative internal thought or emotion.

Need help facing your internal blocks & asking “so what?”  Then book your sessions today to start on a new path!

Step 4: Do it afraid

permission to want more - do it afraidYou’ve heard the quote that “there’s nothing to fear but fear itself”.  Guess what, it’s totally true!  Don’t expect the fear to go away (at first) as you give yourself permission to want more and start moving toward your goals.

Those goals, dreams, and desires may still feel silly or unreachable.  That’s natural.  But realize at the end of the day, success is a habit.  A habit is nothing more than consistent action applied in a certain area.

Success is a habit and a habit is nothing more than consistent action applied in a certain area. Click To Tweet

Sit for a minute and let that resonate. 

This translate to you achieving your dream by you taking consistent daily action toward your goals.

  • If you want to be a writer, write every day for a specif amount of time and for a specific word count.
  • If you want to be a singer, study material on how to be a successful singer for at least 30 minutes a day.
  • If you want to date (or marry) successfully, then spend a certain amount of time each day reading relationship books.

Yes, you will be scared at first.  Yes, negative emotions or self-talk will come up as you work on your daily activities.  Yes, other’s around you might think you’re crazy.  But guess what…so what?!  This is your life and these are your dreams, goals, and desires.  A powerful way to give yourself permission to want more is to take action every day regardless of how you feel.  Eventually, the consistent daily action you are taking will become your new normal.  The fear will go away.  You will be successful if you don’t stop moving forward, even in the face of fear.

Working through your fears is hard, but you don’t have to do it alone.  Book your sessions with a professional life coach today to start seeing dramatic changes.

Conclusion

Now that you know the steps, it’s time to apply them.  As a quick recap, the four main steps for giving yourself permission to want more are:

1. Stop dismissing yourself

2. Get clear about what you want

3. Get to the root of internal blocks

4. Do it afraid

So don’t wait.  Start doing something now. Only you can be the one to face your fears and start moving toward your goals, dreams and desires.

Other blog posts of interest

3 Steps to Getting Unstuck
How Are You Finding Your Bliss?
What to Expect: When Working With A Professional Life Coach
7 Signs That Intimate Relationships Aren’t Your Cup Of Tea
5 Ways Self-Sabotage Is Stopping You From Reaching Your Goals

Accountability & Working With A Professional Life Coach

accountability professional life coach

Take a moment and imagine.

Imagine that your life and everything in it is going exactly the way you want it to.  You love your job, you love your personal life, you’re content and happy in every area!  Like many celebrities and Fortune 500 executives, to achieve this level of success, one of the tools in your success kit is probably working with a professional life coach.

You may be asking “so what makes working with a professional life coach so great?!”

One of the answers is accountability.

What does accountability from a professional life coach look like?

professional life coachA professional life coach is an independent third party person who will encourage you.  They will also hold you accountable for the steps to success you declared that you’re going to take.  Please understand that this isn’t the type of accountability that is exercised in a relationship with a parent, your boss, your spouse, or with a mental health professional.

A coach will partner with you to help you uncover fears and define goals. Click To Tweet

A coach will partner with you to help you uncover fears and define goals. From whatever starting point is established, you both will work together to identify your path to success bit-by-bit.  Rome was not built in a day and this process will not happen overnight.  Effective partnership with a professional life coach will help you to chunk down whatever areas need to be addressed in your life — in a manner that resonates and challenges you.

For example, say you book a session with a professional life coach and want to move forward in your career.  Some of the areas that come up in your sessions include:

  • Level of education,
  • Professional appearance,
  • Self-confidence issues,
  • Effective upstream management (a.k.a. knowing how to manage your manager),
  • Communication, and
  • Clarity around what success looks like for the client.
Any change requires action on the part of the person who desires that change Click To Tweet

Each of these areas will need a defined goal.  Each goal will then have accompanying action steps that need to be completed by you to reach the bigger goal.  Make no mistake, these are not goals and action steps defined by the professional life coach.  Any goals or action steps have been defined by you!  Some action steps may overlap.  However, whatever is determined by you and understood by your coach is what you will be held accountable for.  Remember, any change requires action on the part of the person who desires that change.

Let’s continue with our example…

So you decide the first area that you want to focus on is self-confidence.  A professional life coach will do two main things:

  • ask powerful questions that allow you to come up with a defined goal, and
  • dig deeper to provide you with the space to come up with action steps to meet that defined goal.

As you work with your coach and masterful questions are being posed, you have the revelation that your self-confidence issues are based on not being able to ask for what you want without feeling guilty. Bingo, you’ve identified the issue and know your goal is to have more self-confidence in work situations!

Some actions steps that you may come up with could be:

  • learning how to ask for what you want at home (i.e. help with chores from your kids or spouse),
  • learning how to say no in your personal life, and
  • starting to take more time for yourself each day.

Action steps like this will help you to build your self-confidence.

How is accountability between a client and a professional life coach implemented?

professional life coachThe short answer is through conversation.  At the start of a session, one of the many things your professional life coach will do is ask about the progress towards your goals.  Be honest and open at this moment.  There is no need to lie to yourself or your coach.  Sometimes when progress isn’t occurring it’s because the goal that you’ve selected really isn’t resonating with you at the moment.

And that’s ok!

Your professional life coach wants you to have the best possible outcome for you.  No fear or worry should be present and (trust me on this one) they won’t be mad at you.  Hesitation, procrastination, or lack of desire towards a stated goal is very revealing.  This usually means that you and your coach need to dig deeper.

Using the example from earlier this means that means

Conclusion

You’re already powerful and you’re already great.  Working with a professional life coach will only help you to unleash the potential that’s already there!  The only difference is that an independent 3rd party will be helping you to:

  • define your goals,
  • define the action steps necessary to meet your goals, and
  • asking questions around the completion of those action steps to ensure you stay on track.

Are you serious?  Do you think you’re ready to take the plunge and work with a professional life coach? Let me know in the comments below!

Other blog posts of interest:

Secret Reasons Why Professional Coaches Are NOT Calling You Back
Overcoming Self-Sabotage: 3 Steps to Take Today
What to Expect: When Working With A Professional Life Coach

Dating After 40

dating after 40

Dating in today’s world of everyone being on the go, ever-evolving technology,  social connection, and overall flakiness of many can be challenging for anyone.  That challenge is amplified as you become older and wiser about what you do and don’t want!  Many of my coaching clients who are successfully dating after 40 had to develop more self-awareness and address certain fears before they were successful.

If you want to get absolutely clear about what you want from dating and relationships, working with a professional life coach can definitely help.  Before you start dating after 40, have you taken the time to do a self-assessment of where you’re at in life?  What do your next steps look like?  Do you want love? Do you want romance?  Do you want wild passion?  Do you want companionship? Figure this out first.

Below are some blog posts and book recommendations that I’ve come across in my effort to learn more about different perspectives of those who are dating after 40:

Blog posts about dating after 40:

  1. Dating After Divorce at 40: What You Should Know {The Date Mix}
  2. What Dating After 40 is Like for Men (Advice for Women) {Date Like A Grown Up}
  3. Dating After 40: Debunking the Myths {Meet Mindful}
  4. Dating After 40 {Harper’s Bazaar}
  5. 7 Essential Tips for Dating After 40 {The Date Mix}
  6. Over 40? Whatever You Do, Avoid These 9 Dating Mistakes {Reader’s Digest}
  7. Single Women Over 40 Reveal Their Biggest Problems in Dating {The Good Men Project}
  8. Dating after 40: for best results, keep your mind open—not your checklist {msdianekennedy}
  9. Dating After 40: What’s New? {How Stuff Works}
  10. Ladies: 5 Must-Know Tips for Online Dating after 40 {eHarmony}

Some books of interest:

Other blog posts of interest:

Dating After Divorce {Volume 2}
Dating After Divorce {Volume 1}
Dating After 30
Are You A Hot Mess At Dating?!
7 Reasons Women Are NOT Calling You Back (For Men Only)
Dating Around: Controversial Reasons Why He is NOT Calling You Back! (For Women Only)

Are you actively dating after 40?  Are you interested in dating after 40?  Comment, like, share,  and subscribe!  If you’re actively or interested in dating after 40, working with a professional life coach will definitely help you out.  Book a session with me today!

How Are You Finding Your Bliss?

Finding Your Bliss

You wake up, you go to work, you come home, then you repeat.

Question is, does this cycle make you happy?

If you are spending hours every day doing something that is only mildly satisfying or barely tolerable, then you need to make a change.  Follow the steps below and you’ll be on the way to finding your bliss asap!

1. Define what bliss means to you

fnding your blissAccording to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, Bliss is defined as complete happiness; paradise; heaven.  That’s a pretty heady definition for a word!  Who wouldn’t want to experience that in their everyday lives?! This is something that we should all be aiming for. Not to sound morbid, but think of it this way, none of us are getting out of this thing called life alive, so we should live it to the fullest.  Make everyday count.  Be actively, happily and fully engaged in every part of your life.

Make every day count and be actively, happily and fully engaged in every part of your life! Click To Tweet

Take a moment to define what finding your bliss means to you.  What does complete happiness in every area of your life actually mean?  If you find yourself struggling to define what bliss looks like to you, working with a professional life coach will help you alot.  Some books that I’ve found useful on this topic include:

2. Evaluate the level of bliss in every area of your life

fnding your blissTake a look. I mean seriously take a good hard look at where you’re at in life and assess the level of bliss every component of your life is currently scoring.  To make this exercise easy, let’s use a scale from 1 to 10.  1 being you have absolutely no bliss/satisfaction/happiness in a certain area and 10 being you have total bliss/satisfaction/happiness in that area.  Think of areas such as:

  • Work
  • Health and fitness
  • Family
  • Familial relationships
  • Romantic relationships
  • Friendships
  • Hobbies and passions

Once you’ve completed the scoring for those areas (and any others you might have come up with), look at any areas that scored between an 8 to 10.  What are those areas?  Come up with three words for each of those high scoring areas to describe why they cause you bliss or happiness in your life.  Finding your bliss means identifying the factors that make a particular area in your life so blissful.

Finding your bliss means identifying the factors that make a particular area in your life so blissful. Click To Tweet

Now, we are going to look at the not so high scoring areas.  Look at any areas scoring between a 1 to 4.  What are those areas?  Come up with three words for each of those low scoring areas that describe why they cause you a lack of bliss.  Finding your bliss is also about identifying the areas in your life that are draining you of joy.

For this exercise, I’ve steered clear of the areas that are scoring in the middle.  Since that’s a very grey area, it may be harder to come up with words in this quick exercise.  When working with a professional life coach, you would be working with some more advanced tools that would allow you to better articulate this area.

Finding your bliss is also about identifying the areas in your life that are draining you of joy. Click To Tweet

3. Take Action!

fnding your blissNow you have identified the areas and you have identified the reasons for the areas of your life that allow you to exist in bliss and cause you lack of joy.  So what are you going to do next?  What are you learning from this exercise?

Write that down.

Next, write down at least one action you can take immediately to improve the level of bliss in a certain area of your life.  Finding your bliss is also about maintaining that blissful state.  Get happy, stay happy, and address the areas of your life that are currently causing you to experience emotions other than happiness.  Take your time with this.  In areas where you’re already experiencing a high level of bliss or happiness, identifying next steps will be simple.

Get happy, stay happy, and address the areas of your life that are currently causing you to experience emotions other than happiness. Click To Tweet

However, in areas of your life where you’re experiencing a lack of joy, you might not know how you are going to improve it.  Remember, Rome was not built in a day!  Think of small steps.  Preferably small steps that revolve around improving yourself in some way.

For example, say in the area of familial relationships, you scored it at a 4.  You have a particularly negative or non-existent relationship with a particular family member because of some past event.  Start with working to let go of your anger, pain, or negativity when you think back on that event and that relative.  You can only change yourself, you cannot change other people.  What would the perfect conversation with that relative look like?  What would you need to have that conversation?  What feelings come up for you when you think about having that conversation with that relative? You get the picture.

Now the ball is in your court.  Start finding your bliss now!  Comment, like, share, and subscribe.  If you want to dig deeper around this topic, schedule a coaching session with me today!

Other blog posts of interest:

3 Steps to Getting Unstuck
Secret Reasons Why Professional Coaches Are NOT Calling You Back
Overcoming Self-Sabotage: 3 Steps to Take Today
The Secret To Creating A Lasting Morning Workout Routine
5 Ways Self-Sabotage Is Stopping You From Reaching Your Goals

5 Tips for Successful Online Dating

successful online datingDo you find dating complicated?

Is it becoming harder and harder to find Ms. or Mr. Right?

Are you just a hot mess to date?

If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, know that you’re not alone!  Many of my clients decide to work with a professional life coach because their love lives are not going the way they want them to.  So they decided to go online.  Below are the top five tips that I’ve learned from the trials & errors of coaching clients.  Follow these tips to get what it takes for successful online dating to occur.  The goal is for you to avoid many of the pitfalls and mishaps they have experienced.

1. Be honest

successful online dating1We all know that honesty is the best policy. That applies to online dating as well. When you set up your profile on a dating website or app:

  • be honest about who you are,
  • show real pictures of yourself in realistic situations,
  • show a couple of pictures of yourself doing activities you enjoy (i.e. spending time with friends, cooking, running, traveling, etc.)

Yes, you need to be cautious not to put anything on your dating profile that can be perceived as negative or too provocative, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be authentic and honest about who you are.

Are you struggling with trusting yourself?  Then working with a professional life coach can have a positive impact!  Book a session with me today to learn more.

2. Set boundaries

successful online dating2A huge part of successful online dating is making sure you set and stick to personal boundaries.  From the first message that’s sent, start interacting in a way that makes you comfortable.  Set the tone.  If that’s formal, then start off that way; if that’s casual, start off that way. If health and fitness is very important to you, start off with a discussion around that topic.

A word of caution about starting off too sexual.  That can lead to uncomfortable situations and unrealistic expectations.  Remember, you want to use successful online dating techniques not successful hookup techniques.

Is setting boundaries something you’ve struggled with in past relationships?  Then book a session with me today to gain insight and courage on how boundaries encourage respect and collaboration.

3. Trust your gut

successful online dating 3We all have instincts.  You know that feeling when something just isn’t ‘right’?  It usually happens in the pit of your stomach, in your chest, or tension in your neck and shoulders.  Everyone is a little different in where they physically feel the feelings when something isn’t quite right, but we all experience those feelings.  Those are your instincts and they are meant to keep you safe.

Trust those instincts!

If you’re talking to someone online and something just feels ‘not right’, trust your gut!  That doesn’t necessarily mean you have to stop talking to that person, but successful online dating means you know when to possibly limit communication.  Taking a break for a few days to process things the other person has said is also a successful online dating technique in order to truly get perspective on that person and where they’re coming from.

Is trusting your gut something you have trouble doing?  Then working with a professional life coach will help you gain insight and confidence to trust yourself more!  Book a session with me today so you can begin living in your confidence.

4. Be open (but cautious)

successful online dating 4Successful online dating differs very little from successful in-person dating.  You have to be open and you have to be yourself. That being said you also have to use good judgment about what you choose to share about yourself on the initial stages of dating.

For example, if you are an outdoor enthusiast, it totally makes sense to share some great stories about your experiences doing outdoor activities and exotic places you’ve traveled to for such activities.  However, there’s no need for you to share intimate details about your personal, financial, or other information.

Is opening up something you find hard to do?  Then book a session with me today so we can begin to uncover internal roadblocks in your way.

5. Make it worth your time

successful online dating 5Your time is precious so don’t waste it.  In the world of successful online dating, this means that don’t spend your time with frogs when you are seeking your prince.  Yes, you need to be open to different personalities and experiences.  However, this does not mean that you need to waste your time communicating with someone whose values, goals, current circumstance, mentality, or attitude is not in alignment with where you’re at or where you’re trying to get to.

Remember you can, at most, inspire a person to change but you can’t actually change that person.  Any lasting change comes from within and is a very personal journey.

Remember you can, at most, inspire a person to change but you can't actually change that person. Click To Tweet

So what are your thoughts on successful online dating?  Have you had any success online dating? Like, comment, share, and subscribe!

Other posts of interests:

7 Reasons Women Are NOT Calling You Back (For Men Only)
Dating Around: Controversial Reasons Why He is NOT Calling You Back! (For Women Only)
7 Signs That Intimate Relationships Aren’t Your Cup Of Tea
Are You A Hot Mess At Dating?!
Bold First Date Questions That NEED To Be Asked