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overcoming self-sabotage

Yourdictionary.com defines self-sabotage as:
(Noun) The sabotaging, whether consciously or subconsciously, of oneself;
(Verb) To sabotage oneself or one’s own plans.

Self-sabotage sucks and the worst part about it is that many times people don't even recognize it in their lives! Share on X

Self-sabotage sucks and the worst part about it is that many times people don’t even recognize it in their lives! This is something that happens often when I work with coaching clients. They feel stuck (read: 3 Steps to Getting Unstuck), they feel confused, and often they feel a great deal of anger towards themselves. Below are a few tidbits of wisdom that have come out of my coaching sessions around what is helpful for clients to overcome self-sabotage.

Admit that self-sabotage is occurring

admit to self-sabotage pic The first step to solving a problem is admitting that it exists. Self-sabotage may be hard to spot. Or a person may simply be in denial. However, once the realization occurs, it’s time to take action. Though it is hard to admit to self, it can actually be addressed once it is. Work with a professional coach and get to the admission stage faster! Here are some great books on recognizing self-sabotage that I have coached on with clients:

Understand what the self-sabotaging patterns look like

understand self-sabotage Once a person has recognized that self-sabotage is a serious and real part of what’s derailing their progress, it’s time to look inside. Figure out what those patterns look like that aren’t useful. Jot down what that looks like. For example, say someone is trying to lose weight but they can’t seem to stick to their diet for more than a few days at a time before eating junk.

This is the time to reflect. A person should ask themselves when they seem to be most tempted to eat junk. What type of junk do they crave when they fall off of the wagon. What times of the day/week/month do cravings for junk strike most frequently. The answers to these questions provide powerful insights into what is really going on behind the self-sabotaging behaviors. Some cool books I’ve coached on with clients around identifying such patterns include:

Make a plan to address self-sabotaging behaviors…one at a time

action against self-sabotage We’ve all heard the saying that Rome wasn’t built in a day. The same goes for overcoming self-sabotage. Any person who has admitted and taken the time to do a little internal digging is ready for the next step. That step is to make a plan. But wait! This plan should be simple and straightforward. This means only one self-sabotaging pattern of behavior should be addressed at a time.

Let’s look at the previous example. For the person who is struggling with sticking to their diet, they have discovered they eat junk mostly after work on Wednesdays through Fridays. Ok, that’s telling. In this example, they need to examine what’s going on before the junk food fest occurs that triggers the event.

I’ve actually coached several clients in similar situations. The underlying factor was stress. Work stress increased after work as the week progressed. Each client came up with a different solution that worked for them. Decompression before leaving the office could work. Eating a snack before leaving the office is another possibility. Some books that clients have found useful in this action step of addressing self-sabotage include:

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1. Create Space

getting unstuck - mindfulness and meditation

You may not be able to physically, financially, or environmentally create space where you’re at, but you can create space mentally. Mindfulness and meditation are where you should start. Now before you get scared off by what you think these terms mean, know in this day and age mindfulness and meditation practices are very approachable. With videos on YouTube and apps like Headspace, you can learn to meditate and be more mindful in as little as 3 minutes a day!

Mindfulness and meditation are skills. Like any new skills, they will take time to learn and master. Share on X

Mindfulness and meditation are skills. Like any new skills, they will take time to learn and master. Just try it out for 7 days for 3 to 10 minutes a day. You’ll notice more internal calmness and clarity…especially when it comes to mind chatter. The thought of getting unstuck will become more real to you. As you become more consistent at mindfulness and meditation practices, you’ll notice things around you begin to change. The fact is those external things around you likely didn’t change. You’re internal perspective and perception around those things is what changed.

Here are some books I recommend on this topic:

2. Acknowledge & Release

acknowledge and release - getting unstuck

Buried in debt?
Have a crappy job?
In a relationship that has grown stagnant and stale?

Whatever your current situation is acknowledge it. Now to be clear, acknowledging something in your present environment does not mean accepting it. Acknowledgment means you are no longer resisting the situation in the conscious mind.

Yes, you are in debt!
Yes, you have a crappy job!
Yes, you are in a relationship that doesn’t seem to have a future!

Ok, now let all of that go.

Remember where you’re currently at does not determine your future. It just happens to be where you’re at in the present moment.

Remember where you're currently at does not determine your future. It just happens to be where you're at in the present moment. Share on X

I recommend to my clients to only take this step after they have been practicing mindfulness and meditation for a while. This acknowledgment and release of your current situation, in an objective way, allows you to mentally and energetically disarm the negative energy around the situation. Disarming that negative energy, and its impact on you, gives you your power back! This is the power that you need to create change in the next step.

3. Get Clear

get clear - getting unstuck

Lack of progress is often a reflection of a lack of clarity. Share on X

Lack of progress is often a reflection of a lack of clarity. Where do you want to go? I have seen many clients start a million things but never make a clear plan of what they plan to do. This approach usually ends in frustration, anger, and feeling stuck all over again!

Stop doing that.

Don’t start a million things.

Getting unstuck means that you are going to get really clear about what you want. Do you want to lose weight? Get clear about the type of healthy lifestyle you want to lead. Want to start a successful business? Get clear about the type of business you want to start. Get clear on how you define success. Want a fulfilling relationship? Get clear on what you do and don’t want in a future partner. If getting clear on your own seems overwhelming, book a Discovery Session with me today. Working with a professional coach will give you the extra support, accountability, and partnership needed to get unstuck.

These steps may seem simple and they are. However simple doesn’t mean easy. Take a few minutes and jot down some things you can do for each step. How can you create space? What do you need to acknowledge and release? What can you get clear about?

Here are some books that l have found useful around getting unstuck:

At the end of the day, you are the first person you must look to for getting unstuck.

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Category: Creating Change

Overcoming Self-Sabotage: 3 Steps to Take Today