How to Give Yourself Permission to Want More

What do you want?

Do you feel anxious and a little confused by this question?

We all want something. It could be big, it could be small, it could involve the whole world, or it could be something internal and private. No matter what it is, know that you’re not alone…because we all want something.

As a professional life coach, clients often come to me to help them define that something. This process of discovery is usually littered with internal blocks around desire vs. guilt vs. self-preception about what’s deserved.

Before my clients and I can define what they want, we must first work through these internal blocks. And that’s what this blog post is about.  Get clear around your goals, dreams, and ambitions by giving yourself permission to want more.

Step 1: Stop dismissing yourself

Family, friends, and the world have told you to get a “stable job” and don’t go chasing “pipe dreams”.  If this sounds familiar, there’s a part of you that has bought into this logic and allowed a part of your dream to die.

Stop it now!

The process of discovery is usually littered with internal blocks around desire vs. guilt vs. self-preception about what's deserved. Click To Tweet

Revive that dream, vision, or goal for your life!  The first step in giving yourself permission to want more is to stop dismissing your dreams, goals, and aspirations.  No one can decide what you should want in life except you.

♦ Struggling with dismissing yourself?  Then working with a professional life coach can help you move past internal blocks.  Book a session today!

Step 2: Get clear about what you want

• Do you secretly want to be the next big pop star?  Make a plan, get a voice coach, get on YouTube and start booking regular studio time.
• Is writing a New York Times Bestseller on your bucket list?  Then sign up for writing courses, establish a daily writing routine of at least 30 minutes or 1,500 words a day, start entering write contests, and researching agents.
• Want to marry a billionaire? Take etiquette courses, research the events that the rich and ultra-rich frequently attend, start networking, and find your perfect high-net-worth partner!

You can't move towards any destination without first understanding what you ultimately want. Click To Tweet

These goals might seem crazy but who am I to judge?!  You can’t move towards any destination without first understanding what you ultimately want.  Once you know that, then you can start making a clear map on how to get there.

Your map is your overall plan.

The sooner you make a plan, the sooner you will start moving towards your goals.  And remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day.  Giving yourself permission to want more requires a little patience.  Chunk down your overall plan to actionable steps.  Set mini-goals on a weekly, monthly, and quarterly basis.  Reaching those mini-goals will keep you motivated.  This is important for your ultimate success.

♦ Do you lack clarity around what you really want?  Book a session today and we can start to define your dreams!

Step 3: Get to the root of internal blocks

Let’s face it, roadblocks suck!  On the road and in life they slow you down or prevent you altogether from reaching some destination.

Internal blocks are simply roadblocks.  Now it’s time to see where they came from.

• Did you grow up in a negative family?
• Were you constantly around family or friends who couldn’t dream big themselves?
• Did the internal blocks come from your own negative self-talk?

The only power internal blocks have over you is the power that you give them. So stop giving them power! Click To Tweet

Whatever the case may be, take some time to get to the root of your internal blocks.  Identify them and confront them.  The only power internal blocks have over you is the power that you give them.  So stop giving them power!  Giving yourself permission to want more requires you to disarm these blocks.

A technique that works with coaching clients is to ask “so what?”.  Whenever they come up with negative stuff that can derail them from their goal, I ask that question.  Start doing this with your negative blocks.  The next time that negative self-talk starts, stop it in its tracks and ask yourself “so what?”  At first, this question may prompt a flood of negative emotions.  Let it happen.  Do some breathing exercises to calm back down, then ask the question again.  “So what?”

Repeat this exercise for every negative thought or emotion that comes up around your goals.  Eventually, you will ask the question “so what?” and the internal resistance will be minimal or none at all!  This will take some time.  Give yourself a week or two to work on each negative internal thought or emotion.

♦ Need help facing your internal blocks & asking “so what?”  Then book your sessions today to start on a new path!

Step 4: Do it afraid

You’ve heard the quote that “there’s nothing to fear but fear itself”.  Guess what, it’s totally true!  Don’t expect the fear to go away (at first) as you give yourself permission to want more and start moving toward your goals.

Those goals, dreams, and desires may still feel silly or unreachable.  That’s natural.  But realize at the end of the day, success is a habit.  A habit is nothing more than consistent action applied in a certain area.

Success is a habit and a habit is nothing more than consistent action applied in a certain area. Click To Tweet

Sit for a minute and let that resonate. 

This translate to you achieving your dream by you taking consistent daily action toward your goals.

• If you want to be a writer, write every day for a specif amount of time and for a specific word count.
• If you want to be a singer, study material on how to be a successful singer for at least 30 minutes a day.
• If you want to date (or marry) successfully, then spend a certain amount of time each day reading relationship books.

Yes, you will be scared at first.  Yes, negative emotions or self-talk will come up as you work on your daily activities.  Yes, other’s around you might think you’re crazy.  But guess what…so what?!  This is your life and these are your dreams, goals, and desires.  A powerful way to give yourself permission to want more is to take action every day regardless of how you feel.  Eventually, the consistent daily action you are taking will become your new normal.  The fear will go away.  You will be successful if you don’t stop moving forward, even in the face of fear.

♦ Working through your fears is hard, but you don’t have to do it alone.  Book your sessions with a professional life coach today to start seeing dramatic changes.

Conclusion

Now that you know the steps, it’s time to apply them.  As a quick recap, the four main steps for giving yourself permission to want more are:

1. Stop dismissing yourself

2. Get clear about what you want

3. Get to the root of internal blocks

4. Do it afraid

So don’t wait.  Start doing something now. Only you can be the one to face your fears and start moving toward your goals, dreams and desires.

Other blog posts of interest

♦ 3 Steps to Getting Unstuck
♦ How Are You Finding Your Bliss?
♦ What to Expect: When Working With A Professional Life Coach
♦ 7 Signs That Intimate Relationships Aren’t Your Cup Of Tea
♦ 5 Ways Self-Sabotage Is Stopping You From Reaching Your Goals