7 Reasons Women Are NOT Calling You Back (For Men Only)

A really cool part about working as a life coach is getting to hear and engage in conversations about relationships.

The good, the bad and the ugly!

Let’s face it, intimate relationships are hard. That’s why people hire dating and relationship coaches to help them get clear about what they do and don’t want. Over the past few months, I’ve noticed some recurring themes in the dating struggles of many of my female clients.

Below are some of those themes and insights I think every guy should know if the women he likes are not calling him back.

1. Too focused on sex too soon

Sex is an important part of an adult intimate relationship. Click To Tweet

Sex is an important part of an adult intimate relationship. There’s no question about that! However, men need to understand that, in general, women are wired differently than them on this subject. Some women want love before sex but from my experience, all women want some level of trust to be established before choosing to have sex in intimate relationships.

Lesson learned: Focus on developing good communication and trust before worrying about getting a woman in bed.

2. Too much baggage from past intimate relationships

Are you that guy? You know the one I’m talking about. On a first date that story you thought would be charming to tell turns into a vent session full of bitterness towards your ex.

This is something coaching clients tell me about often.

Make peace with your past intimate relationships before getting into a new intimate relationship Click To Tweet

If you’re this guy, stop doing this immediately!

Stop dating for now.

Do some self-reflection and healing.

Get to a place where you’re no longer angry, bitter, or have negative feelings about your ex. Depending upon the length of the relationship and what happened during the relationship will determine how long it will take a person to heal & get past that relationship.

Lesson learned: Make peace with your past intimate relationships before getting into a new intimate relationship

3. Caught in a lie on the first date (a.k.a lacks integrity)

Imagine you’re out at a wonderful dinner with the woman you thought was attractive at the coffee shop.  You two begin to talk about interests, etc.  When she asks “oh have you ever been to {insert exotic location here}”?, instead of being honest and saying “no”, you go off on a tangent about something that you think you know about that location based upon what you saw on t.v.

If you're lying on the first date, this is not a good sign of things to come. Click To Tweet

You are so wrapped up in the story you’re telling, you fail to notice the slight dip in your date’s smile.  However, what you really failed to see is that you just dropped way down on her list of prospects. You’re already lying on the first date!  This is not a good sign of things to come.

Lesson learned: Be honest about your experiences!  If a particular question or subject makes you uncomfortable, just say so (Remember: Discussing religion and politics on a first date is an absolute no!).  Don’t lie.

4. Too shallow

What I’ve learned from my coaching clients is, that when they are ready for genuine mature intimate relationships, the appearance that a man is too shallow is an absolute turnoff.

Imagine this happening – you and the very fit, attractive woman at the gym hit it off one day and after flirting for a bit you ask her out on a date.  You arrive on time.  Pick the right restaurant. Both of you seem to be enjoying the atmosphere and the conversation.  That is until you launch into your schpill on fitness and being “in shape”.  You happen to say some nasty or just unbecoming things about people who aren’t fit and you’re so caught up in your speech you don’t notice that your lovely date has completely emotionally shut down on you! Don’t let that smile fool you!

Don't come off as too shallow on your first date! Be sure to not focus too much on physical characteristics! Click To Tweet

What you have inadvertently done is to let her know that you are shallow and only worried about looks!  What if she’s fit now but struggled with her weight at some point in her life?  What if she has a close friend who is struggling with her weight? What if…a million other things?!  You don’t know because you have effectively put your foot in your mouth and stated that a person who is not your idea of physical fitness is bad.

Way to go champ!  You have completely lost the chance at a second date.  Better luck next time.

Lesson learned: Physical appearance and attractiveness are important to most people.  That’s life!  However never be so focused on the physical that you come off as shallow, snobbish or insensitive.  Those are characteristics that very few (if any) are looking for in a serious intimate relationship.

5. Comes off as selfish & self-centered

Though your mother may have raised you to believe differently, know that the whole world doesn’t revolve around you!  If you go out on a date with someone, know that the conversation needs to be like a game of tennis…back and forth. There should be equal “air time” in the conversation.

Selfishness and self-centeredness is a no-no in any relationship but especially on a first date! Click To Tweet

Lesson learned: Don’t dominate the conversation!  Also, don’t make all talk about how great you are, how much you’ve accomplished, etc.  Speak about interests, dreams, etc.

6. Don’t have a good relationship with your family

A red flag when I work with clients for dating and relationships coaching is when a client talks about how negative or nonexistent conversation about their potential beau’s family tends to be.  Since I only work with adults, this is something that I find startling.  If a person has had a bad or negative childhood, they need to make the decision to get the proper counseling to overcome it.  I’m not saying everything is going to be perfect.  What I’m saying is that you need to make sure you have your mind and emotions in a place of peace about your own family before getting into a serious intimate relationship with someone else.

Get your mind and emotions in a good place about your own family before you try to build one with someone else. Click To Tweet

Just think.

You’re trying to go down the path of potentially building that with someone else.  So what makes you a great catch if you have a bad relationship with the family you already have?!

Lesson learned: Get your mind and emotions in a good place about your own family before you try to build one with someone else.

7. Come off as lazy or has a lack of ambition

Lack of ambition is an unattractive characteristic in a potential intimate partner. Click To Tweet

Lack of ambition is one of the most unattractive characteristics I hear about in coaching sessions with my clients when it comes to first dates.

Be sure that you’re not the man that we’re discussing!

Men this means that when a woman asks about your short-term and long-term goals, actually have answers to these questions.  Shrugging and giving vague answers is kind of unacceptable for an adult man seeking to become a part of a serious intimate relationship.

Lesson learned: Have goals!  Have plans!  Be sure to make it apart of the conversation.  Laziness is not attractive when anyone is seeking to be involved in a serious intimate relationship.

So those are the seven reasons women aren’t calling you back.  Do any of these reasons resonate with you?  If not, what are some reasons that you believe that women haven’t gone out with you on a second date?

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Other posts that may be of interest:

♦ Dating After 30
♦ Dating Around: Controversial Reasons Why He is NOT Calling You Back! (For Women Only)
♦ 7 Signs That Intimate Relationships Aren’t Your Cup Of Tea
♦ Are You A Hot Mess At Dating?!
♦ Bold First Date Questions That Need To Be Asked